Sisters of abuse survivor are demanding an apology

Dear Abby: I survived 17 years of abuse. I’m slowly therapeutic and now in a wholesome relationship I take pleasure in. My ex did what most abusers do in these conditions: He remoted me from my household. He would power me to say imply issues to my sisters and fogeys to maintain them away and make them hate me.

Now that I’m out of that scenario, I desire a relationship with them once more. Sadly, my sisters say I have to apologize for my conduct (once more), which I’m not snug doing. I did apologize as soon as, but it surely wasn’t ok for them, since I said that I used to be sorry HE MADE ME do these issues. What ought to I do?

— Getting Past It in Kansas

Dear Getting Past: I’m undecided why your sisters are insisting you apologize once more, but when I have been you, I’d do it to attempt to clean issues over. At that point I’d clarify to them about Stockholm syndrome, which typically occurs when persons are kidnapped, held prisoner and ultimately start to establish with their captors. Something related could have occurred between you and your abuser as a result of, in a way, you have been being held hostage.

Dear Abby: My treasured canine, “Rover,” died almost a yr in the past. I’ve grieved deeply, and really feel I’ve dealt with it in a wholesome means. I now have a brand new canine, “Spot,” who has introduced new vitality to my dwelling. I hold just a few photos of Rover round the home, in addition to photos of Spot.

Part of me feels it’s bizarre to have photos of a deceased pet on show and that it is probably not wholesome. Yet, I additionally really feel it’s positive, so long as it isn’t a shrine to him. Sometimes I cease and have a look at Rover’s photos and smile; different instances, I really feel an ache in my abdomen and tear up. What is your tackle this?

— Still Healing in Florida

Dear Still Healing: My “take” is that though you’ve got moved on to an ideal diploma, you might be nonetheless grieving. Rover is a part of your historical past. If images of him deliver you pleasure, proceed to show them. However, if extra usually they make you unhappy, take into account placing them away till extra time has elapsed since his passing.

Dear Abby: I wish to give a financial reward to some shut buddies of ours earlier than we die. It’s in my will, but it surely occurred to me that they may as effectively take pleasure in it now, whereas they’ll. The rub is that they’re very proud and cussed and received’t allow us to “treat” them to something.

I’ve given different individuals cash and made clear, “I won’t ask what you do with it nor ever mention it again. I just want you to enjoy it.” Do you’ve got recommendation on whether or not I ought to do that? And, if that’s the case, how? I don’t wish to harm our friendship.

— Friendly Gift

Dear Friendly: You are very beneficiant. This is a query that ought to be mentioned together with your legal professional or accountant. Of course, once you ship the funds, there ought to be a letter explaining your intentions. This “transfer of assets” is usually carried out in households. Your authorized or monetary adviser can clarify the small print and whether or not different choices exist. Then cross your fingers and hope your lucky buddies will settle for the reward. However, in the event that they don’t, don’t proceed to press the problem.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at

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