Dear Abby: Sparks fly when previous flames reconnect

Dear Abby: I reconnected with an previous flame, “Ollie,” eight years in the past. We would see one another and catch up throughout a weekly occasion he hosted. We’re each married with children. We saved it non-physical however related emotionally. We chatted on daily basis and confessed our attraction to one another whereas nonetheless not participating in something greater than our weekly encounters amongst buddies.

People typically assumed we have been husband and spouse. At the time, I used to be going by means of a horrible interval in my marriage. My husband, “Pete,” was emotionally abusive and one evening even threatened to kill me. Pete and I went to {couples} counseling, and I went to counseling by myself.

During the primary 5 years of reconnecting with Ollie, he was supportive, accepting and really form. I fell in love with him, and he with me. We had one fast hug earlier than I left for the vacations. When I returned, we had an intimate kiss. Then COVID hit. Obviously, there was no bodily contact after that kiss, however we nonetheless speak almost on daily basis. We have seen one another at enterprise capabilities amongst buddies twice in three months.

Pete has truly modified and has apologized for a way he handled me. We obtained alongside properly through the quarantine. I’m simply not interested in him. I not belief him. He is aware of nothing of my friendship with Ollie. I additionally don’t suppose Ollie will ever give in to his emotions for me. What can I do?

— Confounded in Iowa

Dear Confounded: Go again to your counselor. You have some heavy choices to make about the way you wish to stay the remainder of your life. Remove Ollie from the equation and ask your self should you actually wish to keep married to somebody to whom you might be not attracted and not utterly belief.

Some individuals are so frightened of the prospect of being alone that they keep in empty or abusive relationships. Figure out whether or not you’ve got the power to go it alone, and you’ll have the reply to your query.

Dear Abby: I stay in an over-55 condominium neighborhood in Florida. Overall, it’s calm and quiet, which is why I moved right here. My favourite pastime and type of train is to go to the pool. However, some neighbors suppose nothing of enjoying their music loudly within the pool space.

I might by no means topic anybody else to my style in music in such a public enviornment, and I can’t perceive why they suppose they’ve the correct to inflict it on different folks with out asking. I’ve spoken to them politely and requested that they chorus, however they proceed to do precisely as they need. Any options?

— Desperately Seeking Peace and Quiet

Dear Desperately: Because you’ve got spoken to the neighbors about this with no success, I’ll supply some options. The first could be to deliver this to the eye of the supervisor and the board of administrators of your condominium affiliation. Consideration for others mustn’t must be written into the bylaws, however the unhappy actuality is that generally it does.

Another resolution might be so simple as the music lovers sporting ear buds to get pleasure from their music with out bothering others. However, if that doesn’t resolve the issue, you might have to spend money on noise-canceling headphones for your self.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at

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